"My stepson's father was not involved in his life, but said he had a college fund. He ended up changing his mind and kept the college fund for his new child."
Welcome back, y'all! Last time we chatted, Reddit dropped us into a messy situation where a bride asked her size 12 bridesmaid to drop to a size 8 for her wedding. Now, I need your thoughts on this dad whose new wife and stepson are asking him to split his daughter's college fund.
OWN / Via giphy.com
Here's the situation, as told by the dad, aka u/Throwaway_bitch19 (LOL): "My stepson's father was not involved in his life, but said he had a college fund. He ended up changing his mind and kept the college fund for his new child. I don't have a college fund for him because I always assumed his father was paying since he said he was."
One Chicago / Via giphy.com
"When my stepson found out what happened, he and my wife [asked] me to split the money in my daughter's account," the dad continued. "I've refused because the money in there was a gift from my late wife's parents. [But] when I refused, they asked me to sell my daughter's rings."
One Chicago / Via giphy.com
"The thing is, the ring was given from her mother for when she gets married. I know it will crush my daughter's soul to sell it. My stepson and wife are saying it's favoritism, and I do feel a little bad. Am I the asshole?"
Kwangmoozaa / Getty Images/iStockphoto
After sharing his dilemma, there were a TON of responses. Most commenters agreed that the dad is not an asshole for refusing to give away his daughter's money or rings — especially because neither are his to give.
"Not the asshole. You can't give away something that was given to your daughter by your late wife's parents. It's her money. Nor should you be selling the ring. Again, not yours. Just because your current wife's ex-husband is an asshole, that doesn't mean your daughter should suffer."
"Your late wife gave them to you to keep safe until your daughter gets married, and your wife and stepson have no right to touch that."
Words like "entitlement" and "audacity" were thrown around as readers wondered why the man's new wife and stepson felt comfortable asking for such a thing — especially when they could try selling their own items to come up with the tuition.
"Not the asshole. First of all, they want you to sell yourdaughter’s possessionsto pay for his college? What about his possessions? Why does he feel so entitled to your daughter’s things?"
"And what about the wife (stepson's mom) in this situation? Why didn't she ever put anything aside for him? Maybe she should should sell her rings. What about her parents? Maybe they should be bullying his grandparents to fund his college like your daughter's grandparents did. The entitlement here is unbelievable."
And don't worry! The stepson's biological father didn't get out of this scathe free. There were many who thought he was the true asshole in this entire situation, and the real source of tension who should be trying to rectify things:
"Not the asshole. Your wife and stepson need to be taking this issue up with his father."
—Anonymous
"It's not your fault that your stepson's dad didn't follow through or keep his word. I don't see how it could be seen as anything less than stealing from your daughter. You've been entrusted to guard/keep the college fund and the ring on her behalf until she comes of age. Don't be a lesser dad like stepson's dad turned out to be."
"His dad messed up. It’s not your job to put your daughter in a worse financial spot to make up for your wife’s ex being sh*tty."
However, it is reasonable for the original poster to feel bad about the situation, as I'm sure he would like to help his family and loved ones in any way that he reasonably can. So, one user suggested that he help his stepson explore loan options and possibly even co-sign to show support:
"Your job is to protect your daughter, the money that was left to her, as well as the rings. Help him take out a loan, support him in other ways, reach out to his side of the family, but leave your daughter's stuff alone."
And finally, because redditors have seen the worst of the worst among family disputes on the forum, people did advise that the poster hide his daughter's ring and information to her account so that nothing, ya know, mysteriously goes missing:
"Not the asshole and it isn't favoritism... Every person who wants to steal from her college fund that her dead mother's grandparents gave her, and the ring her dead mother left her, is an asshole. Make sure that your wife has no means whatsoever to access the financial information from the account, and get that ring into a safety deposit box before some asshole steals it and pawns it. Update your will to reflect that these things are your daughter's sole property."
